 |
| This phenomenon is called inverted rubberclouding. |
Remember when I made my half-assed resolutions for 2021, about four days before we saw my super-presciently-predicted SMOKE in DC? No? Well, here's a post about some nuggets of wisdom left behind by Professor Ω, the smartest hobo of the 1930's (except for 1933, obviously).
Some people presumed a low level of education and/or intelligence, when they saw hoboes. These people, we now know, were stuffy elitist know-nothings with monocles and foot-long cigarette holders. Hey - Thurston Howell III - if you can't stand having a cigarette touch your lips, then maybe smoking is not for you! Anyway. The hobo ranks were choc-full of smart men and women, cast into the world of the wandering poor for a million different reasons, and some of them were college graduates.
Professor Ω was one of them - at least, he said he was. You can be the judge. We all can! Come on - let us don our old-timey judge wigs, and get to some judgin'. Lucky us - we have actual written wisdom nuggets, direct from Professor Ω; not half-remembered hand-me-down oral histories, distorted by time and failing memory. Of course, they were preserved in the hobo hieroglyphs of the time, scrawled on buildings and bridges and whatnot, so we could still lose a bit in translation. But, has that stopped us before? No. No, it has not. Here we go...
- Baldwin's mountain-type locomotives weigh more than seven hundred pounds. Each!
- We cannot trust President Roosevelt to lead us back to prosperity, because his father is Theodore Roosevelt, and that monster shot bears for sport. I mean, who does that??
- Pluto is not a planet.
- The new boss is just the same as the old boss.
- Ol' Barb Stab-You-Quick is neither old, nor named Barbara, nor fast with a knife.
- I left my tenured position at Yale and became a hobo for the simple fact that hoboes' lives are so much easier than professors' lives. That's why most professors are now hoboes. Studies have shown that, after the New Deal income taxes, the vagrant wanderer will actually be better-paid. Also, everyone knows hoboes smell better.
- Electric blankets cure polio.
- It's called a great depression because it's very large, and everyone is sad.
- Trains are the pinnacle of the evolution of travel. Nothing will ever surpass their speed, efficiency, comfort, or profitability.
- We should keep a watchful eye on Germany. Something tells me they're not quite done, yet.
- Wearing socks on the wrong feet brings bad luck. Shoes on the wrong feet bring blisters.*
- When this is all over, lint will replace the dollar as our national currency.
- When the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then peace will guide the planets and love will steer the stars.
- The hokey-pokey really is what it's all about.
- Okay, Pluto's a planet.
There. Sounds pretty smart, right? Stay tuned for more wisdom from hobo and non-hobo alike, coming real soon. Or, pretty soon. Soon, at least.
Okay, not soon.
We'll see...
*This line is courtesy of [Maris], who is quick to point out that she's not speaking from personal experience (no matter how painful it was).
