Rebooting The Resolutions Machine

Higher Resolution - Photo by Joe

I am frequently asked by no one why I don't make my NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS until late January (if I make them at all). I never answer, but if I ever do, I'll probably say it's because I've never made a New Years Resolution to make my New Years Resolutions earlier. I resolve not to make such a resolution anytime soon.

I know how boring New Years Resolutions can be - especially someone else's resolutions. With that in mind, let's hit ctrl-atl-del on the ol' drivel generator, and see if that helps...

[ctrl-alt-del]

For starters, no more of this:

• This year, I will publish one of my twelve little novels. BOOOOO... We'll believe that when we see it!
• I will finally locate my Ebn-Ozn t-shirt. BOOOOO... We know you've never had an Ebn-Ozn t-shirt - probably because it's a safe bet that such a shirt has never existed.
• I will be more positive. Oh, please don't.
• I'll drink more water, reach my target weight, write a blog post every week, read a dozen books, blah blah blah... We're bored!

I resolve to say this whenever I leave a room...

Okay, cheese bags. That was just a few examples of what I'm NOT going to do. Onward! I hereby resolve that in 2024 I will:

• Take the Christmas tree down
• Make mac & cheese
• Shovel snow twice
• Pet a dog
• Deposit 130 checks within 24 hours at work
• Get home from work at 8:30pm or later
• Increase my 401-K contribution
• Not eat any charging cables
• Use, fewer, commas,
• Be courteous, kind, and forgiving
• Be gentle and peaceful each day
• Be warm and human and grateful
• And have a good thing to say
• Have a martini
• Incorporate one verse of Steve Martin's "Grandmother Song" into a blog post
• Turn the oven on
• Shout words of advise and encouragement at [Maris] as she completes this year's tax returns - earlier than ever!
• Be doomed
• Watch cartoons
• Repeat

HA!! Guess what? All done! I have achieved a 100% success rate on the above rebooted resolutions. 

Damn, I'm good.

Stay fresh, cheese bags...