Caller: What did you say?
Me: [clearing throat] Sorry - Bummer-Life-customer-service-thank-you-for-holding-this-is-Flarbel-may-I-have-your-policy-number-please?
Caller: Uh, yeah. It's 18Q123666BL1$666-B.
Me: Nothing. And this policy was on the life of John Rambo IV?
Caller: That's me. I'm still alive.
Me: [disinterestedly] Of course you are, sir. Can you confirm the last four digits of your social?
Caller: Yes. What?
Me: The famous and elusive ex-B&O GP-30 with the old "sunburst" paint scheme just visible through the cheap 80s paint on the nose?
Me: Your date of birth, sir?
Me: Thank you. And your street address?
Caller: 99B Road Street, Townburgville, St. John, USVI 0082--
Me: [interrupting] And your favorite color, sir?
Caller: Is this all really necessary? I just need a change of address form.
Me: Security procedures are in place for your protection, sir. Now, what is your favorite color?
Caller: Umm... Yes? Blue. Definitely blue. You might still have "azure," though.
Me: I'm sorry, sir. Neither of those is even close. Please be advised that our lines are recorded for security, privacy and blackmail purposes, as well as--
Caller: OKAY, OKAY -- MAUVE, you ass!! My favorite color is mauve. Are you happy?
Me: Quite. And you?
Caller: Yeah. Not bad, actually. Thanks.
Caller: So, about that change of address form...
Me: Yeah, our computers are down. Can you call back later?
Me: My pleasure, sir. Thanks for brawling canker lite.