Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Customer Disservice Fantasy Call #1

Me: Banal Lie Custom Truck Slurpees, thank you for gloaming, this is [inaudible], may I have your princess' cheese?

Caller: What did you say?

Me: [clearing throat] Sorry - Bummer-Life-customer-service-thank-you-for-holding-this-is-Flarbel-may-I-have-your-policy-number-please?

Caller: Uh, yeah. It's 18Q123666BL1$666-B.

Me: Oooohh...

Caller: Huh?

Me: Nothing. And this policy was on the life of John Rambo IV?

Caller: That's me. I'm still alive.

Me: [disinterestedly] Of course you are, sir. Can you confirm the last four digits of your social?

Caller: 4236.

Me: 4236?

Caller: Yes. What?

Me: The famous and elusive ex-B&O GP-30 with the old "sunburst" paint scheme just visible through the cheap 80s paint on the nose?


Me: Your date of birth, sir?

Caller: 2/2/02.

Me: Thank you. And your street address?

Caller: 99B Road Street, Townburgville, St. John, USVI 0082--

Me: [interrupting] And your favorite color, sir?

Caller: Is this all really necessary? I just need a change of address form.

Me: Security procedures are in place for your protection, sir. Now, what is your favorite color?

Caller: Blue.

Me: Blue?

Caller: Umm... Yes? Blue. Definitely blue. You might still have "azure," though.

Me: I'm sorry, sir. Neither of those is even close. Please be advised that our lines are recorded for security, privacy and blackmail purposes, as well as--

Caller: OKAY, OKAY -- MAUVE, you ass!! My favorite color is mauve. Are you happy?

Me: Quite. And you?

Caller: Yeah. Not bad, actually. Thanks.


Caller: So, about that change of address form...

Me: Yeah, our computers are down. Can you call back later?

Caller: WHAT??

Me: My pleasure, sir. Thanks for brawling canker lite.

Caller: WHAT??


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