A Dozen Times None, Or How Will I Choose?

 

Oops, I did it again.

The year was 2009. I was SUPER-UNEMPLOYED, and had been so for a year, at that point. I was encouraged by some sadistic friends to try NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. The premise is simple: writers are challenged to write a 50,000-word novel (that's a novella, really, but let's not quibble) in one month. I was successful, and for better or worse, I was hooked. Soon, there was a summer version of the traditional November event: Camp NaNoWriMo. A little over a month ago, I stopped writing my twelfth first draft. It's not done, but if we're being honest, are any of them?

So. I have self-imposed a rule on myself. No more new projects (National Blog Posting Month notwithstanding) until I make an honest effort to get one of my twelve babies to see the light of day. But Which one gets the call? 

November 2009. Working title: "Tiny Scars." It's a semi-autobiographical tale of a sixth-grader with a genius friend, and a cool teacher who produces plays that turn out a lot better than they have any right to turn out. There's also weeklong trip to a  camp that's oddly religious, for a public school trip, but whatever. Here's an excerpt.

November 2010 - the month I started working at Beloved Employer. Working title: "Worcestershire In The Embalming Fluid." If you're a fan of "South Park's" first season, you know from the title that this is a zombie story. We follow a lottery-winning slacker and his dog on their new boat, as they gradually learn what's happened and try to work their way home from the Caribbean. The dog is probably the best part. I just reread an excerpt, and meh.

August 2011. Working title: "Sand In The Worcestershire In The Embalming Fluid." Same zombie apocalypse, but told through the lens of a budding semi-comedic romance in off-season Rehoboth Beach. Here's a bit. So to speak.

July 2012. Working title: "Falling Off The Universe." I like this one. It's an ensemble thing - a group of friends gathering after years apart to scatter the ashes of their gone-too-soon former ringleader. They encounter a alien with a busted spaceship, and interstellar shenanigans ensue. The ending needs a complete rework (the whole story needs a lot of work), but the elements are there, and I love some of these characters so much, they keep appearing here in the blog, sharing their ALTERNATE MEMORIES. One of them is also dangerously addicted to COFFEE.

June 2013. Working title: "Buck Mope Catches The Westbound." Not-so-young, freshly laid-off new couple befriends a hundred-year old hobo, creates a viral sensation telling his far-fetched stories online, and tries to help him take a final ride into the sunset, so to speak. The old man has an unexplained endangered black-footed ferret you may have seen on this very blog, this very month. This is the little novel that my ever-lovin' editor and fake alternate elector [Maris] thinks could make it, so it's the clear front-runner for my first publishing attempt. Still needs work, but I loved these characters, too, so I guess I kind of owe it to them.

November 2013. Working title: "Bane's Existence." What was I thinking, starting a new novel just weeks after stopping work on "Buck Mope?" This one's about a guy who questions his own existence, and accumulates a lifetime of evidence to support his theory that he's actually a ghost or something. Also, he dates a ghost. I think. It's been about ten years since I've looked at this one. I faintly remember that it had moments, but probably needs more work that most of my other drafts.

July 2014. Working title: "Undead Drunk." Another zombie thing, but this one set in Baltimore, as another group of friends gathers with their classmates for a high school reunion. Pretty sure I kept this gross horror show as funny as possible. I think I have a whole chapter (or more) with two or three of my protagonists "treed," and just watching the apocalypse and doing play-by-play. Yeah, I hear you. meh.

July 2016. Working title: "Party At Ground Zero." Stolen premise from the hugely-underrated 80s movie "Miracle Mile." A bunch of 80s high schoolers are partying their little 80s butts off, when credible news of a full nuclear exchange crashes their shindig and kills everyone's buzz. So, I love the idea. BUT... I used most of the characters from "Falling Off The Universe," and [spoiler alert]: PREQUELS ARE HARD AND THIS ONE IS DEEPLY UNSATISFYING. Might rewrite this one using new characters.

July 2017. Working title: "Plan Nine From Inner Space." An admittedly half-assed ripoff of the "Futurama" episode where Leela's in a coma and has a series of coma-dreams that turn out to have been triggered by Fry's incessant talking at her, trying to bring her back. It has moments, but yeah - a bit on the meh side.

July 2018. Working title: "Milo And The Art Of Nodus Tollens." This is more like it. Inspired by a list shared by my late cousin Mary M.. Nodus Tollens refers to the realization that the plot of one's life doesn't make sense anymore - that your "writer" might not know what the hell he or she is doing. I came up with another cute and fun couple for this one, and because side characters always steal the show, we invented Deejay Atmospheric Skip. A global wild goose chase ensues, as Milo tries to fix his story himself. This one is near the top of my list, with "Buck Mope" and "Falling Off The Universe."

July 2019. Working title: "Back To Somewhere Else." Based on my never-ending quest with [Maris], in search of the elusive portal back to the world we obviously came from that is somewhere else. I like this one, too. Portals are wily and capricious.

[Long, long pause...]

July 2023. Working title: "Songs From Later." Another rom-y, com-y one. Young "friends with benefits" arrangement turns real (I know - shocker), but one of the lovers has visions of the future. These visions are often vague and annoyingly cryptic, but over time they begin proving true - or at least semi-true (because me) - culminating with September Eleventh, or possibly January Sixth. I wrote through August and September and into October, eventually passing 80,000 words, BUT this one needs a ton of work to make it work, and I'm just not ready to tear it all down and start over, so I'm spending November doing a blog post a day, instead. 

So. When this month's over, which little book gets the nod? Oh, wait - my busy season at Beloved Employer is just beginning. 

Maybe in February, then...

Ten And Oh...

Someday, Buck. Someday...

Hi! I may or may not be back! I've been... well, I've been paying attention to the world, for a bit. This resulted in the abrupt and acute shutdown of Every Single Creative Atom In My Body. But then, in July, I started yet another novel, forcing myself to conjure words, as one might force a foot into an ill-fitting shoe. I had over 50,000 words by July's end, but apparently, there was still a lot more story to tell, at that point. 

So I kept writing.
  

Eleven times, I've taken on this challenge. Ten times, I've succeeded. I first attempted National Novel Writing Month in 2009, as an unemployed layabout, and I "won," which here means I managed to crank out a 50,000-word novel in the span of 30 days. I was immensely proud of that accomplishment, but I had a few more stories to tell - which is more impressive if you know me and my life, both of which are somewhat lacking in story fodder.

Fast-forward to late-November, 2018. Between the traditional November National Novel Writing Months and the summertime Camp NaNoWriMo sessions, I have now written *TEN* novels. More accurately, that's ten first drafts of novels. And two of them - maybe three, now - might have a smidgen of potential. But here's the thing: I've only ever bothered to reread one of them. I've done no real rewrites - only minor self-editing. My beta readers consist of [Maris] and one friend. I have no editor, no agent, no idea what I'm supposed to do next.

Okay, that's not entirely true. I have a vague understanding of what I should do next. I should get some beta readers' notes on my work, engage a professional editor, and find some sort of agent-like thing to move one or two of these stories from my laptop to the world, and metamorphose from writer to author. 

But that just sounds like work. I still have like six hundred hoboes to tell you about. As much as I would love to share some of these longer pieces with you and everyone else, I'd rather just keep writing. Apparently, creating another scene, another character, another happy ending, is more important to me at the moment than is sharing any of the previously-created scenes, characters, and happy endings.

So, we have a problem. Immovable object, I'd like to introduce you to irresistible force. Oh? You've met? That's wonderful. I'm sure you two totally hit it off, like, immediately...

Okay, so, I'm not allowed to write anything new until I've done something with these first drafts. There is work to be done. The fun part is over. It's time to tear down, to rewrite, to market, and to sell, sell, sell.

[sad face]

It only makes sense, right?

Um, nope. It is December of 2018. Look around. Have you seen the universe, lately? I need this - obviously. I will edit if I feel like editing. I'll do rewrites if and when I feel like doing rewrites. And I'll engage editors and agents and lawyers and the market when they all show up on my doorstep and engage ME! And that, as they say, will be that.

In the meantime, I will tell you what Irontrousers The Strong did to deserve his Wes Craven-esque fate. I'll explain why Manatee The Railyard Toreador was so afraid of leaves. I might even describe, in uncomfortably explicit detail, how Swing State Myron acquired his hobo name. And maybe I'll Get All Bloggy, once or twice.

I've been plodding through my story of Milo and Rachel and their "nodus tollens" since July 1st, and while I absolutely love them to bits, I have to re-learn how to tell a story in a thousand words. Or to vent and bitch and tell you what I've been doing or what I should be doing or what I wish I were doing. Or to simply blather on and on without saying anything.

It's my blog, and I'll ruin it as I see fit. What are you gonna do, *START* reading it? 

LOL

Join me for whatever comes next. Or don't. It's all the same to the universe...