Monday, May 12, 2014

The Not At All Surprising Outcome of Booper O'Montauk's Loan Application

Arthur Higgins Moneybottom III
Loan Officer
4th Bank of Sand Patch Grade
Cumberland, Maryland

October 5th, 1937

Booper O'Montauk
The Woods
Near the Catoctin Tunnel, Maryland



Dear Mr. O'Montauk,

     I regret to inform you that this institution has denied your application for a loan in the amount of $125.  There are two reasons for this decision.

First, I must emphasize that neither your business plan nor your proposed product are to blame.  On the contrary, we have no doubt that the public would be willing to buy your "Fluff of Happiness."  However, the product sample which you provided was determined to be nothing more than ordinary pocket lint, albeit a very large and especially fluffy specimen.  It did not bring happiness to any of the bankers who handled it.  In fact, despite your claim that it would "stay happy, even when wet" proved untrue, as the fluff was found to rapidly dissolve when exposed to rain.  In time, with the proper improvements, your invention may yet be a successful product.  

However, I find some fault with your motives.  I appreciate that the untimely loss of your parents - one to a sink hole in the park, and the other to a brain injury resulting from the attack of an especially territorial and aggressive starling - must have been devastatingly traumatic for you.  

I am moved by your story of woe, of toil and travel along the hard road of the hobo, of shoeless winters and shadeless summers.
Further, I know all too well how consuming an unrequited love can be.  This young woman you describe so glowingly in your loan application is, as you pointed out, betrothed to a man of considerable means, a man beloved by all who know him, by all accounts, a good man.  So your plan to prove your worth, to outshine him by working harder, by bringing your "Fluff of Happiness" to the world, thereby stealing the attention and affections of his fiancĂ©e is, at best, misguided.  I cannot grant a loan in support of such an endeavor.

I do wish you the best of luck, young man.

Sincerely,

A.H. Moneybottom III


Another doubly-prompted post (triply-prompted, if you count the hobo name itself)!  This one combines the Studio 30 Plus prompt, "Fluff of Happiness," from The Innerzone's post BOYS with the Light and Shade Challenge prompt "Sometimes glass glitters more than diamonds because it has more to prove," a Terry Pratchett quote.



 

14 comments:

  1. Oh that was funny - I really enjoyed this. I thought Booper's entrepreneurship sounded well worthy of investment... I loved the second-hand glimpses of his life and loves too. Brilliant.

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    1. Thank you, Thomas! I like to find ways for the hobo's world to intersect with the "real" world. Thanks for the Terry Pratchett prompt, by the way. I was tempted to try to throw octarine in there!

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  2. I would probably give him the loan. It is good that I do not approve loans.

    Great response to the prompts!

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    1. I actually gave some thought to making it an approval letter, but it sounded wrong.

      Thanks for stopping by!

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  3. Brilliant! I wonder if he should have promoted it as something for those without belly button lint of their own?

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    1. Thank you! Lint can be invaluable to a hobo! It has countless uses. I'll have to explore that further, in a future post...

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  4. What a beautifully crafted and well thought out piece - and how many prompts! I am officially impressed! Thank you for including us. Lyssa M x

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    1. Thanks so much, Lyssa! This one was fun to write.

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  5. Funny and so interesting write, Joe! i would grant him the loan too. Brilliant take.

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    1. I would, too. Even in the late 30s, that can't have been a lot of money. Poor guy. Thanks for visiting!

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  6. such creativity and humor and tongue in cheekness that I almost wished it didn't have to end. Also, great use of the prompt, bringing something completely unexpected but so readable.

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    1. Thank you so much, Kir! ((warm fuzzies))
      I love the challenge of coming up with ways to tell these hobo stories, without just *telling* the hobo stories. The prompts really aligned for this one.

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  7. That was really funny. Very entertaining. Great job!

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    1. Glad you liked it, and very happy you stopped by! Thanks, Ashley!

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