Thanking The "Muses"

 

Shootin' trains w/Godfrey Ozzenbarq III (not his real name), who wasn't there that day. Photo by Joe

I'm often asked by no one about who inspires me to write - 300 blog posts and 12 novels and counting. "Have you ever had a muse?" They would ask, if they existed and asked me questions. The short answer is, "YES!" An even shorter answer is, "YA!" I have had, and continue to have, a few muses - and I need to thank them for nudging me along my muddy little creative path to nowhere. 

Before I start - I know that there's a certain implication in the word "muse," that a relationship between artist (writer, in this case) and muse is inherently romantic and/or sexy. I must point out that mine are not your sexy, romantic muse stereotypes - except for [Maris], of course. (Speaking of [M] - she is being obnoxiously literal, right now. It is mildly amusing, sure - but it is NOT helping...)

Let's start with Godfrey Ozzenbarq III (not his real name). Oh! Wait! I forgot about High School Crush #2! Technically, High School Crush #2 was my first muse - and she actually did fit the romantic muse stereotype - or, the would-be romantic muse stereotype. She didn't inspire me to write a lot. I was rather lazy, at the time. But we shared an affinity for ancient progressive rock music, and we would often listen separately to 98Rock's "Headphones-Only" show until 2AM on Wednesdays - and then compare notes on A) how far we made it into the show before falling asleep, and B) cool sounds and lyrics we'd heard. I was dropped into the friend zone in short order, but it was during this time that I first began to be aware of my fledgling creative spark. So, thank you for that, High School Crush #2. Now, if you could just tell me what "The Carpet Crawlers" is about...

Okay, so - Godfrey Ozzen-- Wait! Let's get Stan and Janine (not their real names) out of the way. I worked with Stan and Janine (not their real names) almost twenty years ago (WHAT??), and the three of us had an odd dynamic. Stan (not his real name) and I were both in our separate committed relationships, and had worked together for a year or so, and along came this pretty, crazy-smart single woman, who seemed to actively embrace a muse-like role in our lives. We worked well together, and she had a flirtatious, intimidating confidence. Both she and Stan (fake name) were smarter than I am, but what ensued - through an ongoing 3-way workplace instant-messaging chat - was a strange, competitive game of one-upmanship of witticisms between the three of us. I hadn't written much of anything in several years, at that point, and this little triple mind-meld was instrumental in keeping that poor little flame flickering. Thanks, guys. I thoroughly enjoyed our weird time together.

Alright, on to Godfrey... You know what, let's talk for a minute about the newest muse-like figure in my world. Current coworker-friend Amelia (not her real name) is the smartest human I've met since [Maris], and yet super-crazy nice to EVERYONE, and the most genuinely positive person I've ever met. It probably helps that she's still young enough that the world hasn't had a chance to adequately trample her, yet. Anyway - common ground, similar offbeat humor, instant friends and all that. This dynamic is different. Yes, she kind of kick-started my writing, starting with this summer's Camp NaNoWriMo project, but unlike my time with the muse-y people described above, I'm not writing for or with her. I writing again because she told me to. Said she believed I had a gift and should be using it. She said these things on faith - hadn't read so much as a paragraph of my writing, at that point. Probably still hasn't seen more than a blog post or two. But when someone so positive and bright encourages you to do something, you gotta do it, right? Oddly, it's kind of freeing to know that she'll probably never have time to read much of my stuff. Takes the pressure right off! Thank you SO much, Amelia (not your real name). You're an absolute gift.

So. Godfrey Ozzenbarq III (not his real name). A lifetime ago, Godfrey was my best boss ever. He's been my confidant, best man, co-grifter, go-cart enthusiast, porn critic, mentor, turtle painter, ranting partner, career counselor, and would-be Jim Jordan beater-upper. We've remained friends, lo these many years, and he continues to inspire me to be a better, more creative writer. Before the days of texting and instant-messaging (yes, we're not young - shut up), we exchanged weeks-long threads of emails so bizarre and clever and rant-y that we still have them saved in our respective archives. His humor is steeped in a stew of cartoons, Saturday Night Live, Rocky & Bullwinkle, politics, and the weirdest, funniest stuff the internet has to offer - a bit like mine, but on steroids. When my writing starts to bland out on me, a quick exchange with Godfrey (real name - not) steers me right back onto the looney track - probably because his writing is like the coke-addled offspring of Hunter S. Thompson and Mark Leyner. Heartfelt thanks to you, Godfrey Ozzenbarq III (not your real name). For the yucks and the insanity and the friendship. I'm still not giving up on a collaborative writing project - hopefully before we die.

Last, and most...

[Maris] - Photo by Joe

Yeah. [Maris]! Our origin story is rooted in witty banter, both written and verbal. When I met her, I was desperate to impress her, and thinking that words were all I had going for me, clever emails and whatnot ensued. It worked! Yes, it helped that we had chemistry and were soul mates, but we know for a fact that well-constructed assemblages of words were instrumental in assuring our forever togetherness. She is still the only muse I am writing FOR. Just about every sentence is written with her entertainment (and approval) in mind. I live to hear her laugh at something I've written - unless it's something that's not supposed to be funny, but that rarely happens. It means extra because she reads SO much, and has ridiculously high standards - and because she is a RUTHLESS natural-born editor. She's the only beta reader I'll ever need. So [Maris] - obviously I can never thank you enough for like EVERYTHING (I just deleted FIVE commas from this sentence for you). But thanks for letting me keep trying!

There. Muses thanked. Also thanks, readers - for coming back for more drivel!

On Inspiration, Love, and Music - Briefly

Tread Lightly On The Sand Of Unnecessary Drama

"A great idea wakes you from a sound sleep and refuses to let you rest until it is written," they said.

"The best songs haul off and belt you within the first thirty seconds," I've heard.


"You know immediately when it's the real thing," they said.

I'm not buyin' it.

Sometimes, inspiration dawns on me, rather than manifesting itself as some blast from the dark.


Likewise, great music needn't be so grabby.  Sure, it needs to need your attention, but to say that it should pounce on your throat the instant it sees you?  Not necessarily so.

"The real thing?"  You mean love?  Yeah - that had to whack me over the head with a club and drag me to its cave, but did that make it any less real?  Nope.  I've known love you wouldn't believe, but that knowledge wasn't immediate.

So.

Beware of drama for drama's sake.

(Some songs don't pounce - they rise)

Once again writing in response to a prompt from my friends at Studio 30 Plus - this time I had to use "it should pounce," from the brilliant Thomas Marlowe and his poetic piece SILENCE - and I had to do it within the cozy confines of no more than 150 words!  Seriously - I can only hope to be a fraction of the writer that this man is.  Check him out.

 

It Just Doesn't Matter, Wudy Da Wabbit! **

This is going to come as a bit of a shock to some of you, but I sometimes think about things apart from hoboes and zombies and prednisone.  I know!  Shocking!  I certainly feel shocked.  Tonight, let's pause for a moment and talk about next Tuesday - our great nation's general election.  I must disclose up front that I am a radical - almost militant - moderate, at heart, but that over the past 15 years or so I have been finding much less fault with the liberals than I have with the conservatives.  But fear not, friends of either political leaning - what follows might surprise you.

Now, I am fully-aware that most people have extremely strong, well-defined preferences when it comes to this Presidential election - extending in many cases to Congressional and even local races.  "If Romney wins, we're moving to Canada!"  "If Obama wins, we're moving to... to... well, somewhere conservative enough for us.  Iran, maybe."  I've been through those feelings.  I felt them in 2004 and a little in 2008.  Now, not so much.  Maybe I'm just old and tired, but at this point, I'm not going anywhere, no matter who wins.  You wanna know why?  Because, my friends...

IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER!  (please watch this clip - it will be the best thing you've seen since the campaign began in 2009)

I know there are profound differences in the beliefs and the practical approaches of the two Presidential candidates, but if you conservatives really believe Romney's posters when they tell you there will be "real change on day one," well, you're kind of an idiot.  And if you liberals honestly think that your life, your world, your country will be dramatically improved by Romney's defeat, you might want to just go ahead and prepare to be deeply disappointed.

Okay - I hear you out there, getting ready to turn away from this bleakly cynical sot and go find the latest news on the Kardashians, but before you go, I must tell you that I DO care.  I have a preference in this election.  I'm just saying that, unlike in 2004 and 2008, I'm not afraid of the other guy.  I still love my country, adolescent that it may be, right now.  But to borrow from Lewis Black, as he told us all at the DC Improv years ago while we screamed and cheered his arrival onstage - "Let's all just calm the fuck down."

**I have to admit, however, that it's easy for me to dismiss some of the more important aspects of this election.  I do not and will not have offspring who will have to live with whatever changes either President would manage to make in the next four (possibly eight) years.  I don't have a daughter who might wish to be in charge of her own body, should Romney win and replace some of our aging Supreme Court Justices with conservative ones.  I don't currently know of any gay friends or relatives who might wish to have the same rights as everyone else in the US.

I also don't know any conservatives (at least, I don't think I do) whose lives and marriages will be ruined by the thought of gays having rights.  I don't know very many millionaires, terrified at the thought of paying a higher tax rate than the one they currently pay.  And when it comes to that "ObamaCare" business, I don't worry too much about it.  I was screwed by the old system; I'll be screwed by the new system; I'll be screwed by whatever they replace it with, if it comes to that.  Screwed is screwed, right?

Okay, so it actually does kind of matter, and there will be implications of a Democratic win versus a Republican one.  But here's why I feel okay about this one - why it Just Doesn't Matter:  Neither side will be able to accomplish ANYTHING dramatic or sweeping.  Anything at all.  Remember when Bush couldn't get anything pushed through, from about 2003 through the end of his Presidency?  The Democrats in Congress managed to block his every move.  They'll do it again to Romney.  If Obama wins - same thing.  Nothing very big will get done.

That's just how our executive and legislative branches are wired, right now.  And it's not the end of the world.  The extremes are too extreme, so each side gives not a single inch.  Only the most basic, necessary things get done.  Given the ideological climate, that's probably a very good thing.  Keeps the US from doing anything too stupid.  It will loosen up, someday.  It has to.  It might get worse before it gets better, but as my mom likes to say, hey - we survived Nixon.

We'll be fine.  Neither of the applicants for this job is stupid.  Neither of them wants America to die. They have different ideas of how to proceed, neither of which is exactly right, but likewise neither will prove instantly fatal to our country.  So let's all just chill.

Before I sign off, I must go on record as saying that I GUARANTEE that our economy (GDP, employment etc.) will be in much better shape and continuing to improve in the next year or two.  No.  Matter.  Who.  Wins.  It's an economy - it really doesn't much care who is in the White House.

See?  It just doesn't matter.  Okay, it does - but not as much as you think it does, or as immediately as you might think.

Ugh - okay, that is some boring stuff.  I would simply delete all of the above, but I'm doing this blog-post-a-day-for-30-days challenge, and I don't have time to crank out another one before midnight.  Just go watch the clip again - it's Bill Murray in his prime.  

Next time - HOBOES!  (or maybe zombies)