November 3, 1936
Town Hall - Meyersdale, Pennsylvania
Floyd Dangle: "Good day. I'd like to vote, please."
Elections Official: "Your name, sir?"
Floyd: "Floyd Dangle."
Official (scans through four pages of names; scowls): "I don't see your name on the precinct list of registered voters. Are you sure you are registered in Somerset County?"
Floyd: "I voted in this very building in 1928 and 1932. Can you look again?"
Official (makes a show of looking at his list again, not focusing on any names; gives Floyd Dangle a long, disdainful inspection): "Perhaps 'Dangle' is a pseudonym?"
Floyd: "YOU'RE a pseudonym!"
Official: "I assure you, sir, that I am most definitely not a pseudonym. What I am asking you is, could there possibly be different name under which we might locate you on the voter roll?"
Floyd: "Oh, I get it. Just because I'm a hobo, you figure I'm not on the up-and-up - not who I say I am? Well, I know who I am, mister! I was born in Garrett, not five miles from here."
Official (patience waning): "And Floyd Dangle is your given name?"
Floyd: "You're just trying to keep me from voting for Landon! You New Deal people are all the same. Alf Landon is a good man. He's done great things in Kansas, and he'll bring the real happy days here again. This election is rigged! It's voter intimidation, I tell ya! I demand to see the supervisor!"
Official: "Mr. Dangle, I must insist that you refrain from campaign rhetoric whilst you are inside the polling station. I want to help you, but you'll have to tell me your given name."
Floyd: "I don't remember."
Official: "I can't help you. Good day."
Floyd (thinking hard): "No! Wait. Francis. I think my mother called me Francis."
Official: "That's a start." (begins searching his pages for a Francis) "What was your last name? Do you have any recollection at all?"
Floyd: "Well, my mother's name was Muriel, and my father was a locomotive maintainer up in Johnstown."
Official (encouraged): "Good, good... What was his name?"
Floyd: "Wait! Huffheinz! I was Francis Xiavier Huffheinz! I was born in Garrett! Can I please vote, now?"
Official: "I hate to do this, Francis, but I have to ask for your mother's maiden name, as I assume that you do not have identification of any legitimate sort."
Floyd: "Muriel. I already told you."
Official (emits a long, defeated sigh; looks around): "Okay, Mister Dangle-- I mean, Huffheinz. Booth number one. No talking until you have left the polling area."
Floyd: "Thank you. You're okay, you know that? But can someone help me with the ballot? I can't read."
Official: "I'll be right there, sir."
Registrar: "What's with letting that bum vote? Didn't even know his own name."
Official (whispering as he gets up to follow Floyd to the voting booth): "He's voting for Landon, sir. I figuree, what difference does it make?"