Thursday, November 15, 2012

Our Superpowers

Joe:  If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why?

[Maris]:  I didn't know you were recording.  I thought you were going to take notes.

Joe:  This is instead of taking notes.  I'll delete it when I'm done.

[Maris]:  I want... to be invisible.  So that no one would see me.

Joe:  That is how it usually...  Okay - so why would you like to be invisible?  

[Maris]:  So I could run around and do what I want and people couldn't find me.  And no one could see me.  And I could go where I want and do what I want and be what I want and I could eavesdrop on everybody's conversations!

Joe:  So, you wanna hear what other people are saying about you when you're not around?

[Maris]:  Yes!  And what they're saying about other people when I'm not around.

Joe:  What if it's bad?

[Maris]:  Maybe E.S.P. would be good... No, I'd rather be invisible... I don't care if it's bad - that's why I wanna know.

Joe:  So, what else do you want to do besides hear what people are saying about you?

[Maris]:  Do stuff without anybody talking to me.

Joe:  Like... shopping?

[Maris]:  I don't know - just get stuff done.

Joe:  So basically, the power that you really want is the power to be... not bothered.

[Maris]:  Yes!  Cone of silen-- No, not cone of silence...

Joe:  Cone of invisibility.

[Maris]:  Mmm...

Joe:  So... Not so much invisibility so that you can like, steal stuff, or sneak into the boys' locker room, but just so you can... be left alone. 

[Maris]:  Yes.  Just so I can be nosy and hear stuff without having to talk to people.

Joe:  Okay.

[Maris]:  'Cause no one understands me anyway, and everyone misinterprets everything I say, so it'd be easier just to chop that out of the equation altogether.  

Joe:  So it would be like existing, without all the hassle of having others know that you exist.  Practically like how I live now, only without...

[Maris]:  Guilt...

Joe:  The pissing-off of others that frequently comes with being me.  
[Maris]:  Mm-hm.

Joe:  You get to exist without being bothered.  Okay.

[Maris]:  And your superpower?

Joe:  Well... I wanted to be able to go really, really, really fast, um... without time-dilation, because I'd like to see nebulas and-- nebuli?  

[Maris]:  Nebulasses!

Joe:  Nemeses... Um, and other galaxies and pulsars and stuff like that...

[Maris]:  That's much more interesting...

Joe:  ...without-- and then be able to come back and tell you about it - or we could both go - without coming back to earth and finding it a charred cinder.  'Cause you know, sucky as it is, it's... home.  

[Maris]:  That's much more fun.

JoeBut that's kind of a superpower that requires other superpowers to make it work.  You can't just go fast.  You have to also be able to...

[Maris]:  Breathe...

Joe:  Yeah.  And be safe from outer space and have air and food and whatnot.  So, basically it's the power of infinitely-fast space travel without time-dilation...  OR... Time-travel!  Time-travel would be good.

[Maris]:  Especially if you're invisible.

Joe:  Yeah - the invisibility thing - that's pretty tempting, too.  Although I think if I heard what people said about me when I wasn't around, I wouldn't like it.

[Maris]:  Well, not just about me.  I just want to hear what's going on, because people don't tell me stuff, so this way I could find out stuff that I might need to know.  

Joe:  If you could combine time-travel and invisibility, you could go back and see what really happened at critical and controversial historical events, like the JFK assassination.  Find out what really happened.  Or, like what my best friend really did with Jenny that night when I was passed out, and...

[Maris]:  Invent Google.  Or Marilyn.

Joe:  Marilyn?

[Maris]:  What killed her.

Joe:  Oh.  Well, I assume Jedgar killed her.  

[Maris]:  She was a danger to the Presidency.

Joe:  HA!  . . . This is getting stupid . . .  Anyway, so there you go...

[Maris]:  Well, teleportation would be really awesome, because then you wouldn't have to commute.


[Maris]:  I would like a superpower to be able to make myself look like whatever I wanted to.  

Joe:  Like shape-shifting?

[Maris]:  Yes.  It could be... I could transform into someone else...

Joe:  I could shape-shift into Scarlett Johansson.

[Maris]: Um.  Well, yeah.  You could.

Joe:  Well, you know . . . for you.

[Maris]:  Uh-huh.

Joe:  That would be fun.

[Maris]:  Or the power to heal yourself.  

Joe:  (sigh)

[Maris]:  The superpower to keep yourself young, fit and beautiful - but not age - but not have people notice that you're not aging, so you'd have to shift into, you know, someone younger.  And then create identities, so they didn't lock you up.

Joe:  (snort)  Um...  That's a pretty hefty superpower.  If you can't explain your superpower in just a few words... It's kind of like Enron.  If you can't say in a sentence or two what you do, then you're probably illegal.  Huh.  So, okay...  You basically just want omnipotence.

[Maris]:  Yeah.  Omnipotence. ..

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