Dear Government,
Hey. How's it going? Haven't seen you in a while, ha ha ha! Anyway, listen. We are exhausted, so we'll make this quick. Some of you are already gone. Others survived much closer reelection campaigns than you've ever faced before. The balance of power in Washington remains basically unchanged.
But if you think this means everything is cool with us and we still love you like we used to, you're in for a rude awakening, starting as soon as two years from now. In fact, consider yourselves on probation. You on the Right will need to take it down a notch. You on the Left - don't get cocky. Your President beat the Republican version of John Kerry. That's not hard.
Ugh - We're already sick of this letter. So here's the deal: You'd better be good to us. And we mean ALL OF US. We mean it, this time. Grow up, work together, get stuff done. That's all. Be good to us, or we'll find someone else. We deserve it. And stop calling us "baby." We're 236 years old!
Now, watch this (and don't ask what's up with the second half of this video - it was 1984 - videos were silly):
TINA TURNER - BETTER BE GOOD TO ME
Love, America
PS - If you can't be good to us, we'll sing this to you (leave Danny Elfman alone - it was 1983!): OINGO BOINGO - GOODBYE, GOODBYE
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