Saturday, December 29, 2012

My 2012 - In Case I Missed It


Okay, I know a lot of bloggers love to do year-in-review posts around this time every December.  Others do the introspective retrospective post - "Oh, how I've grown, this year!"  I'm reluctant to do the latter, for fear that it will either be boring or short (or both), or that it will end up sounding like one of those wretched Christmas card letters.  Okay, I actually might post one of those later, so stay tuned for that.  But for now, here is a brief outline of what went on here, at Mostly Harmless Drivel, in 2012.  I'm sure there's something here that you missed, and some of it is actually not bad. 

Please clickity-click on the linkity-links included herein, and you will be transported as if by magic to the corresponding blog post, and oh my goodness but won't THAT be awesome for you!  You'll laugh.  You'll cry.  You'll kiss ten minutes goodbye! 

Come with me...

January 16  -  A big-mouth know-it-all hobo gets what he deserves, but KEEPS GETTING UP.

January 28  -  Pizza Hut's infamous Priazzo, Crystal Pepsi, Ginsu knives and Joe's underpants, all in ONE SENTENCE!  I like making fun of things others do, especially when I'm guilty of doing exactly those things myself.

February 21  -  If you're not a fan of the hobo stories, you probably skipped this one, but if you understand the bond between DOGS AND THEIR HUMANS, take another look.  The last sentence is one of my favorite ever.

March 25  -  Hygiene is very important to people with DOUBLE NAMES. 

April 8  -  "I got no kids that I know of."  My beloved wife [Maris] says this to me all the time.  Well, she says "have" instead of "got," but let's not quibble.  HA!  I knew I could squeeze a quibble in here if I tried!  Oh, and EVERYTHING THAT I WHISPER IS TRUE.

April 16  -  She can't PRONOUNCE HIS NAME, but can she bring herself to forgive him?  Maybe if it's a Douglas Fairbanks picture...

May 4  -  Do you like children?  Do you like dogs?  Do you like WANDERING HOMELESS ZOMBIES?  You do?  Then this short story is for you!  Warning:  Hearsay and conjecture.

May 11  -  What happens when one of my best, wordiest friends and I give each other blog post titles and one hour and say go?  You know how these exercises work - they always somehow end up at HECKLE & JECKLE.

May 17  -  I am an excellent EUGOOGALIZER, and that man's death left a hole in many a heart.  (sniff)

May 27  -  What happens when my blog-challenge-y friend and I provide each other with first and last sentences and one hour in which to write?  Obviously, someone gets stabbed with a NAIL CLIPPER.  In the neck.  On the playground.

May 30  -  Skip this one.  It's about a man with NO SHOULDERS. Yawnsville.

June  -  What happened in June?  A little novel fell out of me, mostly.  At the end, I swore I would never put myself through another novel-writing month.  Yeah.  See you in June 2013, Camp NaNoWriMo.  I'll never learn.

July 8  -  The  CAMP JOURNAL proves to be less interesting than the novel that resulted from camp.  Or does it?  Someone brought rum to camp.  Just sayin'...

July 13  -  Another hobo.  I'd say skip this one, but it has GENDER CONFUSION! 

July 20 -  Pro-beano.  Yep.  You guessed it.  He WORKS FOR BEANS. 

August 3  -  Getting laid-off is nothing to HOWL ABOUT. 

September 13  -  Things to do in Zanesville, Ohio when you're a TREE SURGEON. 

October  -  Hmm... All I remember is the heartbreaking end of the Nationals' playoffs, the life-affirming crash of the yankees, and a beachside vacation of staring at the sea and eating too much.  Oh, and trying to avoid campaign ads.

November  -  30 days, 30 blog posts.  What was I thinking?

After starting with a hobo with a DIRTY SNIFFER, I found myself compelled to give a little pre-election LET'S ALL JUST CALM THE FUCK DOWN, complete with "Meatballs" references.  Then, I fired off a "LET'S NOT" letter to my favorite and most hated drug, defended a BULLYING VICTIM, got breathless with ANTICI . . . PATION, saw a hapless old dude with an unfortunate name as he TRIED to vote, and wrote to my government - with TINA TURNER'S HELP.

Next, I got all positive with a TOP-10 LIST and a not at all made-up list of things for which I am HUMBLY GRATEFUL, followed by some weirdness with that MEAN GUY WITH THE EXTRA DIGITS.  Then I introduced my faithful readers (both of you!) to some FRIENDS FROM CAMP, followed by a friend with a messed-up FACE.  

Things were going so well, I started a whole new series about TURNING 40.  ((YAWN))  Next was a RETROSPECTIVE far more clever than this, followed by some INVISIBILITY TALK with [Maris], a hobo blessed/cursed with IMMORTALITY (?), and an epiphany concerning Muppets, 1930s movies and our WORLDVIEW gone askew.  

As we RUSHED toward Thanksgiving, I worked on my PERSPECTIVE, making the earth into a speck, honed my WILLFUL IGNORANCE, and checked in on my FRIENDS' holiday preparations.  Of course, there was the traditional fretting over the Thanksgiving SEATING ARRANGEMENTS, followed by the traditional YAMMERING at "Black Friday."

Then, NEEDLESS TO SAY, things took a bit of a TURN after that, as I dug deeper into my notepad of tricks.  I reported on the STALKER who stalks millions, analyzed two THINGS that kill writers, and played show & tell with my ridiculous iPOD.  I wrapped up the month-long torture session with a little ROMANCE and a little JUSTIFIABLE HOMICIDE.  I might do another novel-writing month someday, but I will NOT be doing another blog-post-a-day month.  That was spandiculous.

Mercifully, December has been too December-y to allow much writing, although I do like the post to which THIS LINK leads.  Also, despite having a smelly hobo in it, the post from CHRISTMAS EVE reminds us that we might be wrong when we give up on our attempts at redemption.

I've had a lot of fun here, this year.  Please continue to stop by and say hello, and to share my mostly harmless drivel with your friends.

'Til next time, then...

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