Dear (17-Year Old) Joe,

Dear Joe,

I don't know what to say. Well, maybe I do have a few things to say, but I don't know where to start.

Arbitrarily, I guess I'll begin by telling you to forget about business and accounting - and maybe even college in general.  You need to create stuff - not sell stuff, not count stuff, not just take up time and space.  Now, you're only seventeen, and you have no idea what any of that really looks like, so I'm asking you to please just take my word for it.

Next - and I know this is going to fall on deaf ears, but PLEASE don't marry that girl your coworker sets you up with, in 1990.  

Also, don't pick up that hitch-hiker in the rain on St. Patrick's Day, 1992.  He's not just a little odd; he's actually a she, and armed and extremely dangerous.

Don't - do NOT - waste more than ten minutes stressing out about politics.  You're going to like the conservatives for a while, then become educated and experienced, abandon them, and embrace some of the liberal stuff.  By the time you grow up enough to grasp that the only place where any common sense exists is the CENTER, there will BE no more center, and you'll save yourself a lot of frustration if you just skip all that trying, and accept the fact that, at the end of the day, it simply Does Not Matter.

Next, don't stop watching cartoons.  You will be tempted to do so, but don't.  If you have to cut some TV from your diet, make it news - or crime shows.  Oh, and when something called "Reality TV" comes along in about thirteen years, ignore it.  No, it won't go away, but ignore it just the same.

Now, this is going to be unpleasant for you to hear, but you have to come to grips with the fact that in the future, when it gets really late, you're going to have to stop writing your insipid blog posts or whatever, and GO TO SLEEP.  

Thank you.  Sorry I wasn't more helpful.  I'll write again in the springtime, when I'm more alive.

Love, Future Joe