Sunday, November 2, 2014

Daylight Savings and Loan

don't end don't end don't end don't end don't end...

Person:  I'd like to borrow some daylight, please.

Banker:  Splendid.  How much did you have in mind?

Person:  Six months?

Banker:  I'm sorry, we don't provide daylight loans over - or under - one hour in duration.

Person:  Um...

Banker:  So?

Person:  So what?

Banker:  So, how much daylight would you like to borrow?

Person:  Really?


Person:  Geez - an hour?  I'd like to borrow one hour of daylight, please.

Banker:  Excellent.  And how do you intend to secure this loan?

Person:  If you're asking for collateral, I have... I don't know - my soul, I guess.  But you're not the devil, so never mind.

Banker:  Well, you're right about that.  I'm certainly not the devil.  However, I do have bosses, and in lieu of collateral, we will require at least a business model.

Person:  For daylight?

Banker:  Yes.

Person:  For an hour of daylight?

Banker:  Yes.

Person:  An hour of daylight that I am only borrowing - that I will have to pay back?

Banker:  Precisely.  What will you do with this hour?

Person:  I want to have a picnic--

Banker:  Let me just stop you right there.  We don't give loans for picnics.

Person:  I... I need it.

Banker:  Listen- I'm really busy, here...

Person:  I just need to survive the winter, okay?  This hour of daylight will help me do that.  If I'm paying it back, what difference does it make what I do with it?

Banker:  Young lady, this is a business.  If you don't have viable business plan, and you don't have a ready means to repay the loan, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Person:  Okay, okay.  I just want another hour with my family.  I don't know how I'll pay it back, exactly, but I know I'll figure it out.  I'm not here for a handout.  I'll find a way to repay it.

Banker:  I'm listening.

Person:  We were in that accident on the interstate - the drunk driver going the wrong way - it was all over the news.

Banker:  I heard about that.  You're the lone survivor, then?

Person:   Yes.  And if your bosses could just lend me this one hour, I swear I will find a way to repay it.  I'll work two hours in a soup kitchen.  I'll pick up trash by the highway.  I'll help out at the animal shelter - or the hospital, or hospice, or whatever.  I just want to say goodbye.  It happened so fast...

Banker:  I sympathize, but I don't think we can help you.

Person:  Just name your terms, sir.  I'll find a way.  I'll do whatever you say.  It means that much to me to just be with them for another sunny sixty minutes.  I'll repay double - I don't care.  I'll give you a two-hour--

Banker:  Excuse me!  We don't just give away hours of daylight, here.  Tell you what - come back next spring, and we'll talk.  Good day.

Person:  But--

Banker:  I said good day!


  1. This actually made me a little teary.

    1. Thanks Tara. I had no idea this one was going there until the words appeared on the screen. It was surreal. And sad.